{"id":"3da5b9fd-b71d-4f35-94e4-3461180b9701","shortId":"nLyuze","kind":"skill","title":"running-effective-1-1s","tagline":"Produce a 1:1 Operating System Pack (agendas, coaching prompts, career conversation plan). See also: running-effective-meetings (group meetings).","description":"# Running Effective 1:1s\n\n## Scope\n\n**Covers**\n- Designing a lightweight **1:1 operating system** (purpose, cadence, meeting types, shared docs)\n- Running 1:1s as **coaching conversations** (not just status updates)\n- Holding **career development** conversations (life story → future dreams → action plan)\n- Doing basic **wellbeing/recovery** check-ins (joy/energy) without crossing into therapy/medical advice\n- Running **skip-levels** and special sessions (e.g., post-crisis “make them feel heard” 1:1s)\n\n**When to use**\n- “My 1:1s are turning into status updates—help me redesign them.”\n- “Create a 1:1 agenda + shared doc template for me and my direct reports.”\n- “I’m a new manager—set up my 1:1 cadence and question bank.”\n- “Help me run better career conversations in 1:1s.”\n- “Plan a skip-level program and templates.”\n\n**When NOT to use**\n- You need HR/legal guidance, an investigation, or a performance improvement plan (involve HR/legal; use your company process)\n- You need a project status meeting cadence (use team/ops rituals; 1:1s should not be the primary status channel)\n- The situation involves immediate safety/mental health crisis (seek professional help and follow company policy)\n- You want to develop a PM's product skills through structured coaching (use `coaching-pms`)\n- You need to design team-wide meetings, standups, or group rituals (use `running-effective-meetings`)\n- You want to delegate work effectively and track outcomes (use `delegating-work`)\n- You want to manage your relationship upward with your own boss (use `managing-up`)\n\n## Inputs\n\n**Minimum required**\n- Your role and context (manager level, org type, function, time zones)\n- Who the 1:1s are for (directs, skip-levels) and relationship stage (new, stable, strained)\n- Current 1:1 cadence and what’s not working (2–5 concrete examples)\n- What you want to change (coaching, feedback, career growth, wellbeing, alignment, retention)\n- Constraints: meeting load, confidentiality/PII rules, any HR policies, time box/deadline\n\n**Missing-info strategy**\n- Ask up to 5 questions from [references/INTAKE.md](references/INTAKE.md) (3–5 at a time).\n- If key details are missing, proceed with a **default 1:1 operating system** and clearly label assumptions.\n- Do not request secrets or sensitive personal data; use anonymized summaries.\n\n## Outputs (deliverables)\n\nProduce a **1:1 Operating System Pack** in Markdown (in-chat; or as files if requested):\n\n1) **Context + goals** (what 1:1s are for in this team; what they are not for)\n2) **Cadence + meeting types plan** (weekly/biweekly + barbell approach + skip-level cadence)\n3) **Shared 1:1 doc templates** (agenda, notes, action items, topics backlog)\n4) **Coaching toolkit** (conversation rules + question bank + “coach vs advisor” prompts)\n5) **Career development conversation plan** (life story → dreams → action plan, with templates)\n6) **Wellbeing/recovery check-in pattern** (joy/energy prompts + boundaries + escalation guidance)\n7) **Special-situation playbooks** (post-crisis listening session; urgent topical meeting; skip-level template)\n8) **Risks / Open questions / Next steps** (always included)\n\nTemplates: [references/TEMPLATES.md](references/TEMPLATES.md)  \nExpanded guidance: [references/WORKFLOW.md](references/WORKFLOW.md)\n\n## Workflow (8 steps)\n\n### 1) Intake + boundaries + safety\n- **Inputs:** user context; [references/INTAKE.md](references/INTAKE.md).\n- **Actions:** Confirm goals for 1:1s, current failure modes, constraints, and any HR/safety boundaries. Decide which deliverables are needed (full pack vs just templates).\n- **Outputs:** Context snapshot + assumptions/unknowns list.\n- **Checks:** The purpose of 1:1s is explicit and does not conflict with HR/legal policy.\n\n### 2) Define the 1:1 purpose and “what goes where”\n- **Inputs:** goals + failure modes.\n- **Actions:** Separate topics into channels: team status rituals vs 1:1 coaching, career, feedback, and blockers. Define what the 1:1 should consistently cover (and what it should not).\n- **Outputs:** “What goes where” map + 1:1 purpose statement.\n- **Checks:** Status updates have a non-1:1 home (async or team ritual).\n\n### 3) Choose cadence + meeting types (barbell design)\n- **Inputs:** roster, seniority, relationship needs, time budget.\n- **Actions:** Propose a cadence plan: standing 1:1s where they add value, plus a **barbell approach** (high-quality relationship catch-ups + urgent topical meetings). Add a skip-level cadence if needed.\n- **Outputs:** Cadence + meeting types plan.\n- **Checks:** The plan reduces meeting bloat while improving timeliness and relationship quality.\n\n### 4) Create the shared 1:1 documentation system\n- **Inputs:** tools available (doc, notes, tracker), privacy constraints.\n- **Actions:** Define a shared doc per report (or per relationship) with: agenda, running topics backlog, notes, decisions, and action items. Include a pre-work expectation for both sides.\n- **Outputs:** Shared 1:1 doc template + action item tracker conventions.\n- **Checks:** Every meeting ends with written next steps and owners; sensitive content is handled appropriately.\n\n### 5) Shift from “advisor” to “coach” (conversation rules)\n- **Inputs:** common problem types brought to 1:1s.\n- **Actions:** Write a coaching toolkit: default questions, how to avoid jumping to answers, and how to help the report reason through tradeoffs. Include a “when to be directive” exception list (risk, safety, time-critical).\n- **Outputs:** Coaching rules + question bank.\n- **Checks:** The toolkit trains independent problem solving rather than escalating everything to the manager.\n\n### 6) Build a career development sequence (3 conversations)\n- **Inputs:** role expectations, growth paths, aspirations (if known).\n- **Actions:** Create a career plan that schedules three deeper conversations: **Life Story**, **Future Dreams**, **Career Action Plan**. Define how tactical 1:1s connect to growth over time.\n- **Outputs:** Career conversation plan + templates.\n- **Checks:** The plan results in 1–3 concrete growth bets and follow-up checkpoints.\n\n### 7) Add wellbeing/recovery + special situations\n- **Inputs:** team stress level, recent change events, relationship health.\n- **Actions:** Add a lightweight joy/energy check-in pattern and a “behavioral activations” list. Add special playbooks: post-crisis listening session (feel heard), urgent topical meeting, and skip-level structure.\n- **Outputs:** Wellbeing pattern + special-situation playbooks + templates.\n- **Checks:** Boundaries are clear (not therapy); escalation paths are documented.\n\n### 8) Quality gate + rollout plan\n- **Inputs:** full draft pack.\n- **Actions:** Run [references/CHECKLISTS.md](references/CHECKLISTS.md) and score with [references/RUBRIC.md](references/RUBRIC.md). Add **Risks / Open questions / Next steps**. Propose a 2–4 week pilot with review prompts.\n- **Outputs:** Final 1:1 Operating System Pack.\n- **Checks:** Pack is immediately usable; responsibilities and follow-ups are explicit.\n\n## Quality gate (required)\n- Use [references/CHECKLISTS.md](references/CHECKLISTS.md) and [references/RUBRIC.md](references/RUBRIC.md).\n- Always include: **Risks**, **Open questions**, **Next steps**.\n\n## Examples\n\n**Example 1 (new manager):** “I’m a new product lead with 6 direct reports across time zones. Design my 1:1 cadence, a shared 1:1 doc template, and a coaching question bank. Include a career conversation plan and a 4-week pilot.”  \nExpected: cadence plan + templates + coaching toolkit + career sequence + quality gates.\n\n**Example 2 (meeting bloat):** “My calendar is overloaded with weekly 1:1s. I still want strong relationships and fast escalation on urgent topics. Propose a barbell approach, updated agendas, and a skip-level cadence.”  \nExpected: reduced standing roster with explicit alternatives; relationship catch-ups + urgent topical meetings; skip-level template.\n\n**Boundary example:** “I need to document poor performance and start a PIP.”\nResponse: recommend HR/performance management process; offer to help create a feedback conversation plan and expectations doc, but not to run an HR process via 1:1 templates.\n\n**Boundary example 2:** “Help me coach my PM on prioritization frameworks and product sense.”\nResponse: PM-specific skill development is better served by `coaching-pms`. This skill designs the 1:1 operating system (cadence, templates, coaching questions), not the content of PM coaching programs.\n\n## Anti-patterns (common failure modes)\n\n1. **Status update 1:1s**: Spending the entire 1:1 on project updates that could be async. The “what goes where” map must move status out of 1:1s into team rituals or written updates.\n2. **Manager monologue**: The manager talks 80% of the time, giving advice and direction. Effective 1:1s are coaching-first, with the report driving the agenda and the manager asking questions.\n3. **No shared doc or follow-through**: Running 1:1s with no written agenda, notes, or action items. Decisions and commitments evaporate between meetings; the same issues recur.\n4. **Career conversations never happen**: Filling every 1:1 with tactical topics and never scheduling the deeper life story/dreams/action plan conversations. Career development requires dedicated time, not leftover minutes.\n5. **One-size-fits-all cadence**: Running weekly 30-minute 1:1s with every report regardless of seniority, relationship stage, or need. 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